A while ago I read somthing that really resonated, and has stayed with me since;
“Embrace the wait, trust the journey, enjoy the beauty of becoming. When nothing is certain, anything is possible.”
At the time, I remember that there was a lot of uncertainty about the future and there wasn’t much I could do about it. I was as prepared as I could be and all that was left to do was to just be patient and just enjoy life in the meantime. Easier said that done. As someone who hates feeling like I don’t have control over the situation, being imobalised is a bit of a struggle.
Well, as those of you who follow me on Instragram already know, I am imobalised in a big way at the moment. When I started running at the beginning of the year, I never would have expected to have progressed as quickly and to enjoy it as much as I have. It became such a great part of my routine – that morning rush of endorphins and accomplishment as I smashed out goals and challenged myself to achieve more than I ever thought I could. So I was feeling rather unsettled when a few weeks ago my ankle started to really ache – so much so that I could barely walk to my bathroom when I woke up in the morning. Naturally, as someone with a high pain threshhold and the stubbornness of an ox, I pushed through it, knowing in the back of my mind that I probably shouldn’t. I even went on a 3 day work trip to Western Queensland. The joy of being young is feeling as though you are an invincible exception to all the rules at times – having not learned some very important lessons that come with age.
When I finally conceded to the fact that I did, in fact, have an injury that might be serious and saw a physio, I was met with a rude surprise. One very expensive MRI, 2 x-rays and a fun conversation with the GP later it was confirmed that I had a rather rare and complicated horizontal stress fracture to my tibia that needed to immediately have all weight taken off it so not to risk further injury. If you have never had a moon boot and been on crutches before, let me tell you it is not as fun as it sounds.
Until I see the specialist this week, I have no idea what is going to happen; how long I will be unable to weight bear on my leg, or how long it will be until I can run again. Thankfully the pain in my ankle has not reduced so that now the most painful thing is the situation and the wait.
It has actually hit me harder than I expected and has rattled me a lot. Going from being extremely active to being told not to walk any further than absolutely necessary really changes day to day life. But everything happens for a reason – and for me, just being able to use the time and energy I had focused on running on other goals and pushed aside activities (like reading books I have wanted to for a long time) has been surpisingly delightful. It has also given me a chance to process some other decisions and situations that have been sitting in the background so that I can be ready in case they come to pass.
Uncertainty is difficult. As humans, it is our nature to resist it and try to connect the peices of our lives together to make everything make sense. But sometimes the most amazing opportunities hide in those uncertain situations. And trying to make things happen is like trying to fill a river without proper rain. You can find a way to do it, but it’s probably going to be unneccessarily painful and not very effective in the long term. So right now I am being mindful, looking at things that I can do (core strengthening excercises), letting in the amazing support that surrounds me, and keeping things in perspective. Because things will work out in the right time when I let them.
How do you handle uncertainty? I would love for you to share in the comments below.