life tales

about relationships

19 July, 2015

Pretty much everything that I know about the beginning of relationships I learned from “The Holiday” and “He’s Just Not That Into You”. 

I have had a bit of much needed down time over the last few days. My room is clean, my bathroom has been scrubbed, I drew a mascot for the 2018 Commonwealth Games mascot competition, cooked some amazing middle-eastern inspired food, bowed to peer pressure and started watching the Star Wars movies and watched “The Holiday” and “He’s Just Not That Into You”. I had forgotten how much I love those movies. But every time I watch them, I always get reminded on some very important relationship lessons. Ridiculously corny, but true. 

A few months ago I had a whirlwind romance with a man who dated me as an experiment to see whether he was ready to date again after uprooting his life for a relationship that did not work and feeling displaced. Turns out he wasn’t. And I was very different from what he expected. He expected fluff. And I am about as unfluffy (is that a word?) as they come. So when I jumped and fell, I was left with a few bruises. At least when you are fluffy, there is a bit of cushioning. 

There were tears, girly chats, many cups of tea, a few poignant text messages, a crisis involving buying all new matching underwear and a lot of yoghurt. Moments of clarity intertwined by moments of complete uncertainty. And although I would rather be the girl who throws her heart into everything that she does, than somebody who is lukewarm about life, full hearted heartbreak sucks

So here are some lessons that I have learned about the beginning of relationships. 

1. If a guy wants to be with you, he will make it happen. He will call. He will make the effort. No matter the obstacles, you can make it work if it is the right person. I am not kidding when I say I know two people who are engaged to people in Africa who are trying to get Visas and that I know a person who moved to Asia after meeting a woman there when he was on holidays. Love can make all things happen.  

2. There are exceptions to the rules, but do not treat yourself as the exception. If the man is treating you poorly and acting like a jerk, it’s usually because he doesn’t value you and he is a jerk. Not worth it. 

3.You shouldn’t every pine over/ try to be with a person who would not fight for you. You are worth fighting for. 

4. You are the leading lady in your own life. It’s about having gumption. Your happiness should never be determined by someone else. A relationship should not ever complete you (yet another thing Tom Cruise got wrong). If you are looking for completeness in somebody else, you will never feel whole. For me, I want to be a complete person, coming together with another complete person to support, love and strengthen each other. To journey through life together. 

I will continue to throw my whole heart into life, and yes, get hurt at times. But if the hurt hurts, then you get to experience the wonder of the wonderful. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

xx TTT 

Jess and John

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